Not a lot to update unfortunately......I have been quite slack at posting. Keep thinking that perhaps people will read what I blog and then decided that this blog is really for no one but me.
So here goes. Life is running on 'neutral' at the moment. Good thing is I'm not in reverse and whilst I'm not in drive either I know I will be....soon.
Weight....up and down like a yo-yo. Today I ate half a loaf of bread. Something I have not done for a long time. Food does not seem to satisfy me anymore, not really that interesting, so I just eat whatever is quick and convenient. Hence why I have gone through half a loaf of bread. Have I needed it....no. Did I want it....for some crazy reason yes. Actually to tell you the truth I think it's related to 'emotional eating'. I've got a lot going on I think, so somehow feel that 'food' will solve all of my problems. I've learnt from the past that food does NOT solve my problems, it really actually usually makes them worse. From tomorrow I've promised myself to stop before I eat. To drink less diet coke and to not buy anything that I may be tempted by eating too much of. (No chips, ice cream or chocolate in the house at the moment).
Exercise.......is non existent. But I'm sick of making excuses. "I can't exercise because of my knee", "I can't exercise because I have asthma", "I can't exercise because I'm too tired", "I can't exercise because my gym is full of men most of the time". "I CAN'T, I C'ANT, I C'ANT!!!" Sick of these thoughts, so from this day forth I promised myself that I'm going to do some sort of exercise. If it means going for a quick walk around the block well I've got to do it!
Mood.....has also been up and down. I feel drained, exhausted and feeling like I'm struggling to cope with what is going on in my head, which consequently can contribute to me feeling un-motivated. But I'm still plodding along and not totally giving up. I'm still getting out of bed, I'm still getting to work. I'm still making some sort of effort, so that has to count for something.
Work.....going as well as expected I suppose. Besides the fact that I truely feel like I'm not in the 'job' that I feel totally passionate about. Wondering what my options are. Wondering if I'll ever get that excited butterfly feeling in my tummy as I'm walking into work. I use to get that....a long time ago. I don't now, does that mean I shouldn't be a nurse. Does it mean I'm burnt out. Does it mean I will never get that feeling again? I'm not sure. Just tring to figure out what I'll do next. In the meantime have asked for guidance and wisdom. Hoping some light will be shed somewhere along the way.
Family........still full of ups and downs. Decided that I can't fix everyones problems and it isn't my job to fix everyones problems. I can only support them and love them the best way I know to. That is all I can do.
As an ending note.....bloody hell I miss you dad. I wonder if any of these obstacles / issues I've got in my life would be so big if you were just here. I want so badly to just ask you what I should do or just to have you listen. That always helped. I miss you dad.
That is my update. I'm promising myself to post more regularly and to get back on with it. To keep getting up when I fall over. Problem is I'm getting tired and don't know how much longer I can keep pushing myself up.
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