Thursday, July 23, 2009

Rollercoaster ride




It's amazing how your day can truly be a rollercoaster ride.

I went to Fernwood tonight / this afternoon. I ended up doing cardio for 55 minutes and truly forgot how exhausting working out was. I was buggered, could not even do another 5 minutes. After 35 minute mark I was wondering if I could go on, but I pushed myself. Felt quite good about myself, what I had achieved and had that "I'm back" feeling.

Then a few issues occurred when I got home. I'm not going to go into it. But can only say that sometimes what may seem like something that is said can really hurt you until you feel like you want to cry and wonder why you keep trying.

I wondered.....why do I bother? why do I persevere? why do I seem to always stuff things up? WHY? WHY? WHY?.........and you know what, I had these thoughts for about 1 minute and thought, NO! I'M WORTH MORE!

SO today has been a rollercoaster ride, but I'm not going to let people upset me to a point where I continually question myself. I'm worth more than that. I'm learning that I need to believe in myself. No one else can do it for me. I know there are some wonderful people (friends) in my life who have been so supportive, helpful, patient and even forgiving. I'd be lost without them and I'm thankful.

So I say, bring on the Rollercoaster ride, because I'm ready to ride it and there may be times that I feel it is in a continual spiral downwards, but....I'm patient, I'll wait....because in the end what goes down must come up!


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This is all new to me......

This is all indeed new to me! The blog stuff I mean. I've been wanting to do this for a while and as you can see I thought what the heck, I'm just going to do it! A working progress you might say? I think so. But with time you can only improve? Don't they say that with everything?

I'm not sure I feel that way about weight loss at the moment. I've hit my 1 year journey marker, yet I look at what I have achieved and start to question myself....is '27 kgs' something really to gloat about? To be proud of? Thats half a kilo a week, which fits in perfectly with what ww recommend...yet its simply not good enough for me!

'Why?' you ask? I think comparing myself to everyone else and what they have achieved has led me to doubting myself and feeling pretty crappy about how far I have come. I wanted to be so badly one of those people that say "Look at me, look at what I've achieved!". I try...but those words simply fade into the "Look at what? Big deal 27 kgs!". I'm a bit of a critic. Actually I'm a severe critic....of myself that is. Hence, why I've got myself into this situation in the first place.

So at the moment with all of lifes curve balls that are thrown my way, I simply have one motto "One day at a time!".....oh and perhaps one more "When your mind says give up, hope whispers one more try". This is what I'm living by at the moment and I must say with all the great support I'm getting from some wonderful fantastic people, hope is whispering a lot more to me!

I'll keep you updated on how things are going....in the meantime I'll keep plodding along and know that "I CAN DO THIS!".