Sunday, April 26, 2009

Update!

Well....so much for the exercise hey!

I've been struggling (yes once again). Surprise Surprise hey! Anyway, I'm thinking the exercise is a struggle because I simply can not picture myself sitting in the gym doing bike, tredmill and weights for an hour. So decided to stop putting these unrealistic time expectations on myself and instead aim for 20-30 minutes. However...I miss classes. I saw a lady in the shopping centre the other day and she stated that she had not seen me for a while. Then she stated "Are you being lazy are you?". Felt a bit annoyed....can't someone just not want to go to gym, can't someone just want to sit at home and not worry about exercise or eating or tracking perfectly....why can't I just do that???? WHY???.........I could. I have. But...I won't. I know that by keeping up lack of exercise, eating emotionally and not tracking that I'll get back to weighing the 150 kgs I was in no time. I don't want to do that.

I've noticed a change in my energy level (Slight) to the point that my nephew gets excited when he sees me playing on the basketball court with him and sees me running after him and the ball. He gets excited. I get excited. But....this just does not bloody motivate me! Motivation is over-rated! It has to be. I can't feel motivated all the time, so instead will just push on and keep doing everything as best as I can.

As well as all this have had a few episodes of palpatations, to the point where I really notice my heart beating fast and even skipping some beats quite often. After an ECG and bloods and being told that "I'm fine" I'm not sure what is going on. Putting it down to maybe anxiety...however it's never been this bad (my anxiety) so not sure why it's happening so much? Might need another trip back to the Drs. No medication is really accountable. So not sure what is going on. Hope to get it sorted. It's a bit scary, just because whilst I'm having these episodes I feel a bit scared and worried...which consequently makes them worse....so perhaps anxiety is the reason, or at least contributing to it all? Who knows! Any opinions are welcomed. I can't get my head around it. Trying not to think about it.

Anyway, nothing else more to update. Will keep you updated on how this week is going. It will be a challenge, but have to focus on little goals. This week it's hitting the gym for 20-30 minutes 2-3 times this week. I can do this!

Hope you are all well. xoxo

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2 comments:

  1. Shrinking TardieApril 27, 2009 at 1:17 AM

    Danni,

    If you've been checked out by the doc then I'd say anxiety is more than likely the culprit. I thought I was dying a few months ago (hadn't eaten for 12 hours and had a massive drop in sugar) anyway, the moment I couldn't find my pulse my stupid brain said "YOU'RE DYING" and in kicked the panic...made it a gazillion times worse.

    I'm not big on medication - I'd much rather go the hard yards and get help from a psychologist but that's me. Try listening to some relaxation type music or something too - helps me heaps when I'm worked up.

    Nat

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  2. AnonymousApril 27, 2009 at 2:38 AM

    Danni

    Do you think that your recent "interactions" might be the source of your anxiety.

    Nobody said you had to go to the gym to exercise 30 min every second day - as long as you keep moving sweet - that is all it takes


    trish

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This is all new to me......

This is all indeed new to me! The blog stuff I mean. I've been wanting to do this for a while and as you can see I thought what the heck, I'm just going to do it! A working progress you might say? I think so. But with time you can only improve? Don't they say that with everything?

I'm not sure I feel that way about weight loss at the moment. I've hit my 1 year journey marker, yet I look at what I have achieved and start to question myself....is '27 kgs' something really to gloat about? To be proud of? Thats half a kilo a week, which fits in perfectly with what ww recommend...yet its simply not good enough for me!

'Why?' you ask? I think comparing myself to everyone else and what they have achieved has led me to doubting myself and feeling pretty crappy about how far I have come. I wanted to be so badly one of those people that say "Look at me, look at what I've achieved!". I try...but those words simply fade into the "Look at what? Big deal 27 kgs!". I'm a bit of a critic. Actually I'm a severe critic....of myself that is. Hence, why I've got myself into this situation in the first place.

So at the moment with all of lifes curve balls that are thrown my way, I simply have one motto "One day at a time!".....oh and perhaps one more "When your mind says give up, hope whispers one more try". This is what I'm living by at the moment and I must say with all the great support I'm getting from some wonderful fantastic people, hope is whispering a lot more to me!

I'll keep you updated on how things are going....in the meantime I'll keep plodding along and know that "I CAN DO THIS!".