Run or Hide?
That is exactly how I have felt today......I either want to run away, pack my bags and just leave and do what? I don't know, just get away from 'my' life, a little break........a little time out from 'life'. The other option is hiding....staying at home, doing basically nothing, moping around the house, wondering what I should do.
That is how I have felt today. What has made me feel this way? ME!!! Lots of family crap going on at the moment, nothing I can really do about it. I've come to the stage (I think) where I'm sick of trying and trying and trying with my family and continuously getting knocked back. Nothing I do is good enough. Everything I do is never good enough, so why on earth do I keep trying. Thank fully you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends. I'd be lost without the great support network I get from these fantastic people. So....time to stop worrying about 'family' so to speak and worry about myself more. This at times feels unrealistic and I'm not sure if I can do this (its always hard with nephews and nieces involved) but I wonder how much I'm really doing for them when I'm struggling myself. How can I expect to make people happy, when I can't even feel 'happy' myself. Not even sure what that is....happiness? One day might know. One day might feel like I even deserve it, but in the meantime I'll keep plodding along through the day. I'll keep persevering. I'll keep going. I have to....for me! 
This is all new to me......
This is all indeed new to me! The blog stuff I mean. I've been wanting to do this for a while and as you can see I thought what the heck, I'm just going to do it! A working progress you might say? I think so. But with time you can only improve? Don't they say that with everything?
I'm not sure I feel that way about weight loss at the moment. I've hit my 1 year journey marker, yet I look at what I have achieved and start to question myself....is '27 kgs' something really to gloat about? To be proud of? Thats half a kilo a week, which fits in perfectly with what ww recommend...yet its simply not good enough for me!
'Why?' you ask? I think comparing myself to everyone else and what they have achieved has led me to doubting myself and feeling pretty crappy about how far I have come. I wanted to be so badly one of those people that say "Look at me, look at what I've achieved!". I try...but those words simply fade into the "Look at what? Big deal 27 kgs!". I'm a bit of a critic. Actually I'm a severe critic....of myself that is. Hence, why I've got myself into this situation in the first place.
So at the moment with all of lifes curve balls that are thrown my way, I simply have one motto "One day at a time!".....oh and perhaps one more "When your mind says give up, hope whispers one more try". This is what I'm living by at the moment and I must say with all the great support I'm getting from some wonderful fantastic people, hope is whispering a lot more to me!
I'll keep you updated on how things are going....in the meantime I'll keep plodding along and know that "I CAN DO THIS!".
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