One blog / website really hit me tonight. It asked me (well us) a question, What's the purpose? What's the purpose of the protective barrier you've put around yourself? I have written this down and thought and thought and thought about this question....and to tell you the truth, I have a million reasons why I put this protective barrier around me (my weight).
You get to a point in your life and you wonder what is your purpose? Where is my life going? Why have I being put on this Earth? What is my path? My direction? Can't answer any of these questions at the moment. Trying to discover who I am and spiritually I feel like I'm slowly making some progress, again thanks to supportive, loving and non judgemental people I have found this process a lot easier than I thought it would be. So thank you.
Trying to get on with life and embrace each day as it comes. To tell you the truth I'm tired! I'm exhausted! I'm drained! But....I'm not giving up. Trying to figure out what I need to do to get back to feeling better about myself and where my path leads. I have every reason in the world to keep this protective barrier around me, but it is not helping anyone, least of all myself. So instead I'm going to keep persevering with ww and see how I go.
As for gym......I think half the problem is people saw how well I was doing and made so many compliments and comments about how I'll be 'skinny' and 'thin' in no time. I think I got scared. So decided it was best to avoid these people at all costs....therefore gym has been going down the gurgler.
So instead going to set a goal of going to gym once this week. Even for a pump session or RPM. Something different. I have a membership to two Community Gyms. They are both closely linked in to each other, so have decided that I'll use the one I don't usually. Just until I get some more confidence and feel like I'm able to face those people with my head held high. Until then, my goal is going to continue to be one day a week at the gym. The only person that can do this is me.
I just have one question....Why does it have to be so bloody hard?
Hey Danni
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to you on this topic!! A few weeks back I went throught the same thing with the compliments, we went to a former workmates place for a get together with friends and I unfortunately became the centre of attention due to my weight loss! It was so embarassing, I am so not used to people saying you look great what are you doing what exercise are you doing etc etc, and it literally sent me straight to the fridge when I got home. like you I have had that protective barrier around me for so long that its now time to train the mind to react in a positive way and not a negative way! I am now back on track and have set myself a 5kg in 5 week challenge for my trip to adelaide. I hope you continue with it as you know it does work, maybe take some time to heal mentally and spiritually as you say, it will probably make the world of difference once your head is in the right space. Take care my friend.
Sam xxx
Good girl for still going at it
ReplyDeleteIt is hard but you can do it
don't be ashamed of who you are.
The gym people wont give it a second thought and if they do then bad luck as they haven't walked in your shoes :-)
Danni,
ReplyDeleteWalk in there with your head help up high. Who cares what other people think - you're in there DOING it. There's lots of folk out there who aren't doing it.
You have come so far - yeah, sure, like me you've got a long way to go, but sheesh girl - look how far you've come!
Go in that gym and kick some Danni butt - you will feel sooooo much better for it afterwards...I promise.
Oh, and btw, I keep getting told by my lean, fit and healthy friends that they just think "BRAVO" when they see 'larger' people at the gym...because they're doing something.
Love N