Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The path......


Feel like it's been too long since I've blogged, unfortunately.

It has been a pretty hectic August and September so far. This week has been somehow extra stressful and has taken a bit of a huge emotional toll on me. So much so that I seem to 'think' I deserve everything that is on my 'sometimes' or 'rarely' list to eat. Like cake, chips, chocolate....take away, etc, etc. I could go on all day. As a result I have put on 7.5 kgs. I want to get back to what I was. Seems so close, yet so far away.

Regardless of my out of control eating and emotional eating I think there are some good reasons or on reflecting at least some half good excuses? to my overeating? My friend died. Suddenly, unexpectedly and so unfairly (as is always the case!). However I have comfort that is was very quick and whilst it was unexpected with how quick it was I can assume it was pretty painless (I'm hanging onto that at the moment!). Makes me realise how people come into your life for a reason, it might be a long time, a short time or a once off, but they still come into your life for a reason. I think Karin's reason was to give me strength, courage and most of all know that we are never alone no matter how alone we feel. I miss you already, so much Karin. R.I.P Karin. xoxo

The other difficult but more bearable day was Father's Day. It was difficult more so because the family got together, ate pizza, brothers and sisters fought and nothing was mentioned about Dad at all. I had my 'own' little time for him during the day by myself on reflection. I miss him so very much. Next year for Father's Day think I'll do something special that will remind me even more so of my Dad. Go somewhere we use to go together or something like that. I also wonder if time really does heal your pain? I'm hoping so.

So there has been a bit going on. On the upnote I'm going to Sydney in 6 days for 5 days. I'm looking forward to the break before I start the 'new' job. I know I need it. I know I want it. Isn't it amazing how when you are going away you start to think "bugger, why couldn't I have been 10 kgs lighter" or "bugger, why couldn't I have been the weight I wanted to be at". Oh well.....on the upside....at least I'm still here to have those thoughts. At least I'm still here to complain, whinge, cry, laugh and sigh. I'm still here.

I'll keep persevering. I know I will. The path ahead might look bumpy, unbearable and might continue to feel like it's never going to come up, but just when you feel overwhelmed by the thrashing waves, the tide turns. I know it will get better. No matter how bumpy the path gets....I won't stop walking it!

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1 comment:

  1. KathiejSeptember 8, 2009 at 6:41 PM

    Aug was a hard months for a lot of us...
    BUT
    it is now Sept...
    time to get ready for Summer and enjoy spring

    ReplyDelete

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This is all new to me......

This is all indeed new to me! The blog stuff I mean. I've been wanting to do this for a while and as you can see I thought what the heck, I'm just going to do it! A working progress you might say? I think so. But with time you can only improve? Don't they say that with everything?

I'm not sure I feel that way about weight loss at the moment. I've hit my 1 year journey marker, yet I look at what I have achieved and start to question myself....is '27 kgs' something really to gloat about? To be proud of? Thats half a kilo a week, which fits in perfectly with what ww recommend...yet its simply not good enough for me!

'Why?' you ask? I think comparing myself to everyone else and what they have achieved has led me to doubting myself and feeling pretty crappy about how far I have come. I wanted to be so badly one of those people that say "Look at me, look at what I've achieved!". I try...but those words simply fade into the "Look at what? Big deal 27 kgs!". I'm a bit of a critic. Actually I'm a severe critic....of myself that is. Hence, why I've got myself into this situation in the first place.

So at the moment with all of lifes curve balls that are thrown my way, I simply have one motto "One day at a time!".....oh and perhaps one more "When your mind says give up, hope whispers one more try". This is what I'm living by at the moment and I must say with all the great support I'm getting from some wonderful fantastic people, hope is whispering a lot more to me!

I'll keep you updated on how things are going....in the meantime I'll keep plodding along and know that "I CAN DO THIS!".